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Sailor Goon
"Yeah, I live in the real world where I dont combine the 3DS and LL together to inflate the numbers. I live in the real world. Not the idiot Nintendo fanboyland." Biography Sailor Goon is a notorious user on the Vita board. He is known for his positive Sony spins and antagonization of anyone who doesn't agree with him. Most of what he does on the Vita board is complain about "trolls". These "trolls" are people who disagree with him and have a realistic view of the Vita and its future. He's also become well-known on the Wii U board because he does the exact same thing that he complains about so many users doing on the Vita board. Example Don't expect his opinion on the importance of sales to ever remain consistent, as he changes his policies on this matter more often than his underwear. Goon is infamous for his "Mathemagics": conventional math concepts such as addition or multiplication aren't good enough for Sailor Goon, so he made up his own kind of math to make the numbers look more in favor of the Vita. For instance, adding 400'000 to 600'000 results in 1'100'000 with the help of a few "additional sales" pulled out of the hat, or 31k is more than 55k (hence why the Vita is "beating the 3DS" despite always getting outsold by it... according to that plain old math that peasants use). Luckily, Professor Goon knows better and is always ready to share his fascinating wisdom about the all-powerful mathemagics. Ironically, the quote he's most famous for (6+4=11) wasn't actually said by him. It originated from a reassurance topic he made, titled Launches: 3DS - 1.4 million.....Vita - 1.1 million where he tries to whiteknight the Vita's awful launch by claiming that "the numbers are similar". This immediately raised the question how this 1.1 million figure was fabricated. As it turns out, he took a Japanese launch figure of "close to 400'000" (321,407 according to Famitsu), generously rounded it up to 400'000, added a 600'000 figure which he pulled straight out of his ass and thus came to the result of 1.1 million. A few Media Create topics later, that 400'000 figure was already "nearly 500'000", when Goon claimed that "For petes sake, it sold nearly 500,000 in Japan at its launch...", of course shortly after proclaiming that "Japan hasnt mattered for a single system in the entire history of gaming". Classic Mathemagics 6+4=11 321,407 is nearly 500'000 76.322 to 70.744 is a 70% drop "Maybe we should pick apart how 3DS hardware sales have dropped about 70% in the last two weeks? Nah, better just ignore that small detail and continue trolling on the Vita right?" Sailor Goon bashing the 3DS for having an apparent 70% drop week over week, from 76.322 to 70.744. It turned out that Goon is incapable of reading a Media Create table despite being a regular in those topics for years 31.795 > 66.980 [The Vita] is beating the 3DS. Other memorable Goonerisms The Japanese don't like games such as Hot Shots Golf "Most of which arent even out yet. And since when is Hot Shots a japanese oriented game? Ace, if you're just going to spout your usual moronic garbage, just leave." Despite Sailor Goon claiming that "The Vita's launch is a success", he feels the need to reassure himself with a "Vita only sold poorly because it had no game catered towards the Japanese!" spin. The PS3 is dead in Japan "BOTH the 3DS and PSP failed hard Japan until games came out that catered to their tastes. The PS3 and XBox 360 are failing there as we speak, yet they are hugely successful here." Posted when the PS3 was the only relevant home console sales wise Publishers have nothing to do with the games they publish "uh, most publishes[sic] have nothing to do with the games they publish..thats the whole point behind being a publisher, and the difference between a publisher and a developer" Sales don't matter! "Did I say sales mattered? Can't expect common sense from you two" Goon implying that sales don't matter. In a Media Create topic, no less! Media Create doesn't matter! "'''No one cares' about the media create topics. They always turn into 15 pages of the same loser Nintendo fanboys,' whining and carrying on ... '"'' Sailor Goon maintaining his status as the board's resident laughing stock with a blatant, embarrassing contradiction. The original line was also deleted by a moderator and can only be seen because it is quoted by people calling him out for his pathetic hypocrisy Japan doesn't matter! "trolls on this site seem to keep thinking that Japan matters Japan hasnt mattered for a single system in the entire history of gaming."' ''"Japan is a small drop in the bucket in the gaming market." '' '''Japan doesn't celebrate Christmas! "Japan doesnt even celebrate Christmas lol" Sailor Goon is on a streak What are regions? "Since when is 9000 to 19,000 666%?" Sailor Goon does not know the difference between Japan and UK Miscellaneous Quotes "We arent walking into a desolate wasteland....we're walking into a video game." ''- After being told that the lack of ammo and supplies is exactly what you'd deal with when walking into a desolate wasteland, in a discussion regarding Fallout 3 ''The Vita sold 1.200.000 units in week 1 - when called out on this blatant misinformation, it was revealed to be some crazy kind of international, launch aligned figure with some trademark "additional sales" added in for good measure The Vita pushed out more launches than the 3DS in the same time frame quote - It is unknown whether Goon was going for a confusion tactic or just stumbled over his own nonsense with this crazy quote or I was pointing out the fact it was so freakin obvious I was insulting shadow. I realize seeing the obvious is a difficult concept for some on this board - Sailor Goon gets confused by his own drivel and ends up insulting himself. Full context here. "Yeah, I live in the real world where I dont combine the 3DS and LL together to inflate the numbers. I live in the real world. Not the idiot Nintendo fanboyland." ''- Sailor Goon on being called out for for claiming that the Vita outsold the 3DS in a Media Create topic when the exact opposite happened. This post was so ridiculous that even the moderators of GameFAQs have deemd it unacceptable and deleted it. Full context is available here. ''Its quite laughable how quickly the Nintendo fanboys flock to me. I think some of them hold a candle for me. I post and always suddenly my Ignored post count increases exponentially. It's hilarious. I'm literally attacked because I don't put up with the garbage the trolls slew here and speak my mind. Then I'm labeled the bad guy by a group of kids each with multiple accounts who have trolled this board over two years. And IM the bad guy lol ''- Goon has linked his life force to the Vita board, hence why he feels LITERALLY attacked when a random person on the internet laughs at at him on a message board on the internet ''The analogy would be more akin to "OMG! Sailor Goon is in checkout #4!!!" *all the trolls run behind me in checkout 4* - Being the biggest stooge on the entire board, Goon gets laughed at so much that he even has fantasies about people stalking him to witness his bedlam antics. Posting Style * Posts in short, demented ramblings, never stays for an elaborate argument or meltdown. Ponies back into his stable as soon as his mathemagics get exposed * Contradicts himself so often that people sometimes think that this is a parody account * Relentlessly calls out regulars (especially Compass and AceAndJunpei) for not falling for his nonsense, then complains about being stalked by them when they respond * Has migrated to the Wii U board to spread the Word of Sony, but still does hit-and-run attacks on the Vita board. Usually just drops a ridiculous post or two in an MC topic, then hides in shame for a few weeks when everyone is laughing about him * The Victim Card: always complains about all the people making fun of him, but never fails to maintain his status as the board's number one laughing stock * Frantic Flip-Flopping: whether Japan matters or not, sales matter or not, the Vita had a good launch or not and much more is never certain with this pony * TRUTH DOESN'T MATTER: Goon is the granddaddy of the "X DOESN'T MATTER" spin. However, this isn't an avowal to Nihilism, it's just Goon being a pathetic fanboy * Extremist Enthusiat: anyone who disagrees with him is an evil troll, of course. Why else would people be mean to him? Is it because Sailor Goon is a complete looney? Nah, they all be trollin'! * Media Create Moonstruck: loves posting in MC topics to either embarrass himself with crazy mathematics or to claim that sales, Japan and truth all don't matter. In a topic about Japanese sales. * Hyper-Hypocritical: Talking about sales, trolling and using the ignore list is bad. Except when he does it, of course. * Moderator Mauling: regularly complains about how the moderators don't do their job because there are still evil people that don't agree with him, often getting modded himself in the process Category:Trolls Category:Users